BEWARE Destructive Entitlement

Beware of Destructive Entitlement

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

If you volunteer or work in a profession where you are constantly giving of yourself to emotionally needy people, guard against destructive entitlement.

Now, my disclaimer is that I am no psychologist. So I am not using this term “destructive entitlement” in a strictly classically defined way. Psych lit suggests that a destructively entitled person “characteristically overlooks the fact that he’s not entitled to take out his basically justifiable grudges on innocent others.”

You know, the person who as a child came home from school to find their parent sprawled out on the couch in front of the TV drunk or high. That child ended up “parenting their parent” and was robbed of the affection they needed. Growing up they never got the love that they should have received because they sacrificed their childhood taking care of the parent who should have been taken care of them! Many people robbed of attention and affection in childhood carry those “grudges” into adulthood. And while the “grudge” is valid because of past unfairness, the vengeful expression of the “grudge,” displaced on innocent others, is not.

When Freddie Gray’s killers walk away scott free, the “grudge” is valid. But the vengeful expression of a community robbed of justice destroying the property of business owners who had nothing to do with Freddie Gray’s death, is not.

But as I write today, I’m not talking about clinical destructive entitlement. I’m talking about when you give and give and then decide to “take” because you reason, “Well, I’ve given so much to this organization or this person, I have a right to take something as compensation for all I have put out.”

Beware! That is an entitlement that is destructive. We do not have that right! Let us remember what we do have a right to. We do have the right to say “no” without guilt when your plate is full and somebody tries to guilt you into “one more project.” We do have the right to take care of ourselves and to meet our legitimate needs in constructive ways.

Despite the prevailing sentiment that “the right thing to do” is to say yes to every person in need, we do NOT have to meet everyone’s need. The Bible says, “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory…” Since I ain’t God, I don’t have to give everything away and, once destitute of necessary resources (be they emotional or financial), steal what does not belong to me.

It’s a dangerous thing because destructive entitlement can manifest itself in some terribly unhealthy ways. Be careful giving too much emotional support when your own emotional stores are running near empty. You may be offered something that you’ll feel you the right to take as compensation.

Entitlement, by definition, is something earned (or believed to be earned) by one’s actions. An example of constructive entitlement would be when you work hard pulling an all nighter to complete an important project, you reward yourself by taking a few days off right afterward to recuperate. You’re entitled to that. That’s constructive. 

But Destructive Entitlement grows out of a sense that I have given without appropriate recognition or compensation. Therefore, I feel justified taking. When you start feeling that you “deserve” whatever you want, regardless of the consequences, you may need to check yourself. For you may be entering into the danger zone of “destructive entitlement.”