The New Infidelity
Newsweek ran a cover article entitled "The New Infidelity" some time earlier this year. It was about the increasing numbers of wives who are cheating on their spouses. Oprah and her producers followed up on that story with a show that dealt not only with that topic, but also with the topic of swingers.
We had saved the program on TiVo and Evelyn and I watched it last night. Needless to say, it made for interesting discussion during the commercials and after the show had ended.
Oprah dealt with the cheating wives concept first. These cheating wives felt different about their infidelity. They cheated because their husbands weren't giving them the attention and affirmation that they felt they needed. Yes, many of them felt guilt, but they also felt that they deserved something their husbands weren't giving them. It was almost as if they felt justified.
Of course, I do not agree. I do not think either side in a marriage relationship is ever really justified for cheating on the other. Maybe it's because I'm a preacher, but I seem to remember that the vows say "For better or for worse." That means that even when the relationship takes a dip, one party is not permitted to break that vow. That was the first part of the show.
The second part of the show was the shocker about couples who are swingers. Whew! They had one lady who was a soccer mom and a 'reverend' who performed weddings. She and her husband started off by letting her be with another woman. Then the husband felt left out. So, he wanted to be in on it. Hence, things developed into a threesome. Then things progressed to where they go to these clubs where they have dinner on the first floor, go change on the second floor and then, well, I don't need to elucidate on what happens on the third floor.
There are lots of things that are wrong with what we saw on Oprah that day. But the thing that's getting me about it all is that everyone's attitude seems to be, "As long as it's okay with you and your spouse." There is no standard. Now, I think that's problematic. I know it will sound like I am moralizing, but stay with me.
The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13). Add to that the definition of marriage in the Scriptures "a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife." And we understand that the marriage bed that is blessed is a bed shared between ONE man and ONE woman. We could work with that for a moment. It's not between TWO men and TWO women. Or ONE man and TWO WOMEN (menage a trois) Or TWO women and ONE man (obviously a male fantasy). Or ONE woman and ANOTHER WOMAN. Or ONE man and ANOTHER man.
The Scriptures give us parameters within which we stay for our own safety. When we align our lives with those principles so clearly laid out, our lives are generally peaceful and blessed. Let's take a few problems that arise from these artificial combinations that are NOT blessed. If you're a woman married to a man and you invite another woman into that bed, you are most likely going to experience jealousy at some point. You have given yourself a competitor to which you MAY end up losing. She may please your husband better than you. And even if he never leaves you, you have given yourself one more insecurity to have to face -- not knowing his true feelings about your sexual performance as compared to "the other woman." Men, you put yourself in the same place when you bring another man into the bed with your wife.
But what about this swingers thing? Well, both of you agree to it, right? What happens when that was just a phase you were going through, man, and your wife decides, "I like it and I want to continue." What are you going to do then? You've dragged her out there and she ain't turnin' back. You're stuck! And you have no one to blame but yourself.
Finally, what about the same sex relationships? Well, what if we all abandoned heterosexual relationships and became homosexuals? The human race would become extinct. Even homosexuals are glad that they have a mommy and a daddy. (Most, unless abuse by a parent contributed to their sexual choices.) There are differences between the sexes. Those differences are good. Those differences were created by God. And they are affirmed by nature as the building blocks of the human race: ONE man and ONE woman.
We had saved the program on TiVo and Evelyn and I watched it last night. Needless to say, it made for interesting discussion during the commercials and after the show had ended.
Oprah dealt with the cheating wives concept first. These cheating wives felt different about their infidelity. They cheated because their husbands weren't giving them the attention and affirmation that they felt they needed. Yes, many of them felt guilt, but they also felt that they deserved something their husbands weren't giving them. It was almost as if they felt justified.
Of course, I do not agree. I do not think either side in a marriage relationship is ever really justified for cheating on the other. Maybe it's because I'm a preacher, but I seem to remember that the vows say "For better or for worse." That means that even when the relationship takes a dip, one party is not permitted to break that vow. That was the first part of the show.
The second part of the show was the shocker about couples who are swingers. Whew! They had one lady who was a soccer mom and a 'reverend' who performed weddings. She and her husband started off by letting her be with another woman. Then the husband felt left out. So, he wanted to be in on it. Hence, things developed into a threesome. Then things progressed to where they go to these clubs where they have dinner on the first floor, go change on the second floor and then, well, I don't need to elucidate on what happens on the third floor.
There are lots of things that are wrong with what we saw on Oprah that day. But the thing that's getting me about it all is that everyone's attitude seems to be, "As long as it's okay with you and your spouse." There is no standard. Now, I think that's problematic. I know it will sound like I am moralizing, but stay with me.
The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled (Hebrews 13). Add to that the definition of marriage in the Scriptures "a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife." And we understand that the marriage bed that is blessed is a bed shared between ONE man and ONE woman. We could work with that for a moment. It's not between TWO men and TWO women. Or ONE man and TWO WOMEN (menage a trois) Or TWO women and ONE man (obviously a male fantasy). Or ONE woman and ANOTHER WOMAN. Or ONE man and ANOTHER man.
The Scriptures give us parameters within which we stay for our own safety. When we align our lives with those principles so clearly laid out, our lives are generally peaceful and blessed. Let's take a few problems that arise from these artificial combinations that are NOT blessed. If you're a woman married to a man and you invite another woman into that bed, you are most likely going to experience jealousy at some point. You have given yourself a competitor to which you MAY end up losing. She may please your husband better than you. And even if he never leaves you, you have given yourself one more insecurity to have to face -- not knowing his true feelings about your sexual performance as compared to "the other woman." Men, you put yourself in the same place when you bring another man into the bed with your wife.
But what about this swingers thing? Well, both of you agree to it, right? What happens when that was just a phase you were going through, man, and your wife decides, "I like it and I want to continue." What are you going to do then? You've dragged her out there and she ain't turnin' back. You're stuck! And you have no one to blame but yourself.
Finally, what about the same sex relationships? Well, what if we all abandoned heterosexual relationships and became homosexuals? The human race would become extinct. Even homosexuals are glad that they have a mommy and a daddy. (Most, unless abuse by a parent contributed to their sexual choices.) There are differences between the sexes. Those differences are good. Those differences were created by God. And they are affirmed by nature as the building blocks of the human race: ONE man and ONE woman.
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